


Say What You Need To Say

by MX_Caulfield



Category: Glee
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Love Confessions, M/M, Matchmaking, Reaction, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 09:46:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3376973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MX_Caulfield/pseuds/MX_Caulfield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reaction Fic to 6x07. After a night of partying Roderick and Spencer end up alone in Roderick's truck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say What You Need To Say

Spencer ended up riding home from Rachel’s party with Roderick. He had ridden over with Kitty, but she had pulled him aside about a half an hour before the party let out to tell him that she was going home with Artie and that he needed to find another ride.

Roderick hadn’t been his first choice; he asked the twins first. Mason seemed fine with giving Spencer a ride home, but Madison had chimed in.

“Our house is in the opposite direction,” she had said. “Why don’t you ask Roderick? Your neighborhood is on the way to his house.”

Spencer had tried to protest, but Mason was in agreement as soon as Madison had spoken up.

“Hey, Roderick,” Mason called over the music. Roderick looked over from the couch where he was seated next to Jane. “Would you mine giving Spencer a ride home?”

Spencer pointedly avoided eye contact with Roderick, even though he could feel his eyes on him.

“Sure,” Roderick answered. “No problem. I’m leaving in like half an hour. Is that cool, Spencer?”

At this point Spencer had to make eye contact. To do otherwise would just be rude and Spencer didn’t make it a habit of being rude, at least not to teammates. Spencer met Roderick’s gaze and nodded. “Sounds good to me. It looks like the party is dying down anyway.”

Roderick nodded and went back to his conversation with Jane.

“Have a fun ride home,” Madison sang. She winked at Spencer before pulling Mason over to the punch table.

Spencer stared daggers at the girl McCarthy, but he wasn’t mad at her. Not really. He had been interested in Roderick for a while, thought the two had hardly spoken since he had joined the New Directions. No matter how much he wanted to, Spencer could never bring himself to start a conversation with Roderick. He didn’t think they had anything in common, other than singing. And it didn’t help that Spencer didn’t even know if Roderick was into guys. So Spencer just kind of…watched, Roderick. He wasn’t pining. No, Spencer Porter was too cool to pine over a guy, or at least that’s what he told himself. He just watched Roderick to see those occasional sparks of confidence that came through in moments like when he sang or when he chuckled at one of Kitty’s jokes. Those sparks weren’t too frequent, but each one was worth the wait.

Spencer sighed and made his way over to the punch table. If was going to ride home alone with his secret crush he was going to have one more drink of saccharine liquid courage.

***

And that’s how Spencer ended up in the passenger seat of Roderick’s red pickup truck. It was a nice truck. One of those huge Rams. It was past 1:30 AM when the last of the party goers left. Sam had stayed behind to help Rachel clean up a bit. Spencer had been secretly hoping that he could ask Sam for a ride home, to avoid what was sure to be an awkward ride with Roderick, but that plan hadn’t worked out.

The drive was silent. Neither boy spoke and for some reason Roderick didn’t turn on any music. Spencer stared straight ahead and counted mailboxes to pass the time as Roderick drove through the empty early morning streets.

Spencer’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that he had a text from Madison.

_Are you two having fun? ;)_

Spencer rolled his eyes. He swiped his thumbs across the screen and sent a quick reply.

_Not really. Thanks for this by the way. :/_

Madison replied almost immediately.

_Spencer! You have to make a move, because Roderick is too shy to. I believe in you!_

Spencer couldn’t argue with that. Aside from those few moments of confidence, Roderick was pretty damn timid. He couldn’t see Roderick making a move on anyone, especially him. Most of the time Roderick acted like Spencer was some sort of monster. Whenever the two made eye contact Roderick was quick to look away. It actually kind of hurt Spencer to think that any of his glee club teammates could be afraid of him. He had tried so hard to get them to like him. Okay so maybe he wasn’t always sunshine and smiles, but he had joined the club with an open mind and he actually really liked everyone in the New Directions.

_I don’t even know if he likes guys, Madison. What if I make a move and he freaks out? I don’t want to make things weird._

Spencer hit send and before he could go back to counting mailboxes he received a response from Madison.

_Life is short, Spencer. It’s like John Mayer says; “It’s better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again.” Just trust me. You’ll thank me later. Xoxo._

Spencer began typing out a reply, but was interrupted by Roderick.

“This is your house, right?”

Spencer jumped a bit. The ride had been so silent that Roderick’s question had startled him. He looked out the window and saw that they were parked outside of his house. The porch light had been left on for him, but every other light in the house was off. His parents were definitely sleep at this hour.

“Um, yeah. Thanks for the ride.” Spencer unbuckled his seatbelt. He started to leave, but stopped when he remembered Madison’s last text. He pulled his hand back from the door handle and turned towards Roderick. “So uh, did you have fun tonight?”

Roderick raised an eyebrow. He clearly hadn’t expected Spencer to say anything other than ‘thanks’ and ‘bye’; that much was clear from his expression. “Yeah, I did. It was cool getting to hang out with everyone outside of school.”

Spencer nodded. He had been thinking the same thing as he fought over a pink tutu with Kitty and as he watched Mason do the worm across the dance floor. The party had been fun. “Definitely. We should all get together more often. I’d like that.”

“Sure,” Roderick said. For a split second his face had an expression of disbelief. He had tried to hide it, but Spencer definitely saw it.

 _What the hell?_ Spencer was a little pissed. Did Roderick really think that little of him? After all of these weeks of rehearsal was he still nothing but another jock to him? “You don’t believe me.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to. You don’t have much of a poker face.”

Roderick furled and unfurled his fingers around the steering wheel. He looked like he was making a decision.

“Whatever, man. Thanks for the ride.” Spencer grabbed the door handle.

Roderick sighed deeply. “Wait.”

Spencer stopped, but he didn’t take his hand off the handle. Roderick turned the key and pulled it out of the ignition. The purr of the engine ceased, leaving the darkness even quieter than it had been previously.

“What is it? What’s your problem with me, man?” Spencer’s voice gave away more of his hurt than he had wanted to let on. Whatever Sam had put in the punch was obviously affecting him more than he anticipated.

Roderick leaned back. He ran a hand through his hair. His perfectly styled coif had gotten a bit messy throughout the course of the evening, but it didn’t look bad. Spencer silently cursed himself for thinking about how cute Roderick looked when he was supposed to be affronted.

“I don’t have a problem with you,” Roderick answered. “I just don’t get you.”

Spencer let go of the door handle and turned fully towards Roderick. “What’s not to get?”

Roderick scoffed. He was being a lot more frank than usual. He had drank a bit of Sam’s special punch too, but he had stopped a few hours before the party ended so it couldn’t be the alcohol that was loosening his lips. Maybe he was still feeling a buzz from the party. “Are you kidding? You’re a walking enigma. You’re this super confident jock who joined glee club out of nowhere. You never actually gave us a reason why you decided to join. You’re nice enough at rehearsals, but any other time you straight up ignore us. Well that’s not true either, because you’ll talk to Kitty and the twins. So I guess it’s just Jane and me who aren’t good enough for you. And then you sit here and talk about how you want us all to hang out more often. So yeah, I don’t really believe you. You confuse the heck out of me.”

Roderick fell silent. He cheeks were a bit red after his sudden rant and his breathing had gotten heavier. Spencer didn’t answer at first. He had gone from feeling hurt to mad to ashamed. He hadn’t realized that his avoidance of Roderick and Jane had been so obvious. He hadn’t meant to hurt anyone.

“Look, Roderick. I’m sorry. I really am,” Spencer sighed. “I guess I owe Jane an apology too. I didn’t know that I was being so obvious. But I do like hanging out with you guys, I just can’t do it all the time.”

“Why not?”

Spencer noticed that Roderick hadn’t accepted his apology, but he decided not to say anything. “I’m not as confident as you think. I mean, I’m confident in a lot of things. I’m a hell of a football player, I’m basically a rock star when I get on stage, and I know I look good in a pink tutu,” Spencer noticed Roderick smile slightly. “But there are a lot of things I’m not confident about. The reason why I didn’t join glee club at first, and the reason why I still sort of distance myself from the club, is because I don’t want other people to treat me differently.”

“What do you mean?” Roderick’s voice softened. Unconsciously he moved over in his seat to get closer to Spencer.

“I mean I don’t want people to treat me differently because I’m gay and I’m in glee club.”

“Everyone knows you’re gay though,” Roderick said. The confusion in his voice was clear.

Spencer had had a similar discussion with Sam, right before he decided to join the glee club. He wasn’t used to opening up like this, not about his sexuality or the insecurities he felt regarding it. When he came out he had been determined that he wasn’t going to be like other gays. No tragic backstory for him. But that had been easier said than done. His parents both accepted him right away and so did most of his friends. Anyone who didn’t accept him wasn’t worth his time and if anyone gave him a hard time they learned soon enough that Spencer Porter was not to be messed with. But all that confidence couldn’t stop him from feeling insecure about certain things; it didn’t change the state of the world.

“Everyone knows I’m gay, but not everyone likes to think about me being gay,” Spencer replied. “That might be weird, but it’s kind of like Modern Family. You know how it was such a big deal when Cam and Mitchell had their first kiss on screen? Obviously everyone who was watching the show knew that they were gay and were okay with it on some level, but as soon as they got intimate it was a big deal. A lot of people are okay with gay people until they’re confronted with actual gayness.”

Roderick nodded but he still looked confused. “Okay, that all makes sense but what does that have to do with you and glee club?”

“Dude, glee club is like the gayest club at school.” Spencer shrugged. “Back in the day even straight guys got shit for joining the New Directions. I heard from Sam that Finn and Puck and some of the other original guys were all made to choose between football and glee at one point. And that a lot of their teammates started treating them differently just because they liked to sing. And all of those guys were straight. Could you imagine how much worse it would have been if any of them had actually liked guys?”

Roderick’s lips formed in a small frown. He nodded and Spencer could see that Roderick was finally understanding what he was talking about. “But that was years ago,” Roderick said. “McKinley still kind of sucks but everyone is ‘post-modern’ now, right?”

Spencer laughed sardonically. “You should know better than that,” he said. “Our school has a pig pen built for the sole purpose of fat shaming. Just a couple years back there was a girl named Unique who got bulled because she was transgender. And I hear guys making gay jokes all the time in the locker room. There’s no such thing as a post-modern high school.”

“What about Dalton Academy?”

“Oh, you mean the school that wouldn’t let a girl into its glee club? Yeah, they’re totally post-modern,” Spencer said sarcastically

The two boys sat in silence again for a few moments. Spencer could hear crickets chirping from outside, but that was the only sound on the empty street. He couldn’t help but think that sitting in this truck alone with Roderick was kind of intimate.

“So the reason you don’t talk to Jane and me outside of glee club is because you’re afraid that if people start associating you with glee club that you’ll be treated differently.” Roderick made eye contact with Spencer.

Spencer answered with a small nod. “I can talk to Kitty, Madison, and Mason because they’re cheerleaders. No one would think it weird for me to be seen with them.”

“Well that explains a lot,” Roderick said. “I guess it’s good to know that you don’t hate us.”

“I really don’t hate you guys,” Spencer was desperate to get that point across. “I’m just…scared I guess. I just want to play football and survive high school.”

“I get it. I know how painful bullying can be,” Roderick said. “And I accept your apology. Don’t forget to apologize to Jane though.”

“I won’t,” Spencer said. This conversation hadn’t gone like he planned it. He was supposed to have asked Roderick out or at least told the guy how he felt about him. Instead he had ended up revealing his deepest insecurities.

“Is there anything else,” Roderick said after he noticed that Spencer wasn’t leaving.

“I um…had a lot of fun hanging out with you tonight,” Spencer said. “I mean we didn’t hang out much, but I had fun being around you and the others. Especially you.”

“Oh,” Roderick said simply.

“Yeah,” Spencer could feel his cheeks burning. “Okay so don’t freak out. I get it if you don’t feel the same or whatever, but I just wanted to say that I think you’re cute and funny and I like hanging out with you.”

Roderick opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Spencer. “You don’t have to answer or anything I just wanted to let you know. I’m ‘post-modern’ and everything and secret crushes are kind of lame so I thought I’d let you know. It doesn’t have to be weird or anything. I’ll see you in school on Monday,” Spencer turned towards the door and moved his hand towards the door handle.

Spencer heard Roderick laugh and his heart sank. _I cannot believe I did that. And now he’s laughing at me._ Spencer thought.

“Spencer,” Roderick said. “Wait. I’m not laughing at you. I mean I am laughing at you, but only because that was kind of an uncool confession coming from the starting quarterback.”

Spencer turned towards Roderick. For a moment his arrogance won over his embarrassment. “Oh yeah? Well I’d like to see you do better.”

Roderick shrugged. “I like you, Spencer.”

Spencer took a few moments to comprehend what Roderick had just said. “Are you serious?”

“Serious with a hangnail.”

Spencer raised an eyebrow.

“I heard that expression somewhere,” Roderick said. “But yeah, I’m serious. I like you, Spencer.”

Spencer shook his head. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Can you blame me?” Roderick asked. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve liked you for a while. Basically since Invitationals, but I thought you were this jerk jock. And the way you avoided me outside of glee club I thought you hated me.”

“Why did you like me then?”

Roderick pinched the bridge of his nose, which pushed his glasses up a bit. “This might sound weird,” he said at last “but every once in a while I’d see a glimpse of something different. When we’re in the choir room and when we perform and when you’re laughing at one of Kitty’s joke or talking to the twins, you seem different. You’re not just a hot jock in those moments. You’re funny and approachable. In those moments it’s a lot easier to reconcile my feelings for you, but that was never enough to make me do something as incredibly stupid as telling you how I feel about you. Because at the end of the day you’re you and I’m…well, me.”

“Roderick, I think that you just being you is amazing.” Spencer smiled. “But wait, why tell me how you feel now? What changed your mind?”

“Maybe I’m still feeling the after effects of the party,” Roderick said with a shrug. “I think you opening up just now has something to do with it too. I mean, knowing that you don’t hate me kind of helps. It kind of changes how I think about you. I guess what I’m saying is, knowing that you actually do like being around me and the rest of the club was enough. Now I don’t feel like I have to fight my feelings for you anymore.”

“Oh wow,” Spencer exhaled. “Roderick, I really want to kiss you right now.”

Roderick laughed. Not a chuckle, but a full-bodied laugh. Practically a guffaw. “Spencer, I think you might have had a bit too much of Mr. Evans’ special punch.”

“That might be true,” Spencer admitted. “But I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while. Sober or drunk I think I’d always want to kiss you.”

Roderick smiled. “That’s the kind of line I’d expect from the star quarterback,” Roderick said. “Very smooth.”

Spencer laughed and shook his head. “I try,” he said. “So can I kiss you or no-“

Roderick leaned forward and pressed his lips to Spencer’s. It was very chaste; no tongue or movement. One of Roderick’s hands was placed gently on Spencer’s check while the other was placed over Spencer’s hands. After a few seconds, Roderick pulled back.

“Sorry,” Roderick said. “You just kept talking about kissing and it put ideas into my head. Was that good for you?”

“Definitely,” Spencer replied. “It’s nice seeing you loosen up like this. Maybe eventually you can loosen up enough to stop wearing so many layers.” Spencer playfully tugged on the collar of Roderick’s button up shirt. “Not that I don’t like your shirts. This one in particular is very Las Vegas chic,” he pointed to the playing card design that adorned Roderick’s shirt.

“Layers are a fat guy’s best friend,” Roderick said with a laugh. His left hand was still placed over Spencer’s and his index finger was drawing circles on the back of the quarterback’s hand.

“Yeah, well maybe I’d like to see what’s under all those layers,” Spencer said in a hoarse voice. He was eyeing Roderick’s lips hungrily.

Roderick smiled. “Skin mostly. A bit of chest hair. And anyway, we just had our first kiss. Let’s build our way up to removing layers of clothing, okay?”

“Sure, whatever you want. But uh, Roderick?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can we maybe get to our second kiss sooner rather than later?”

Roderick nodded. “I’d be more than okay with that.”

Spencer surprised himself and Roderick by hopping onto Roderick’s lap, straddling him in one quick motion.

“You looked really good singing that song earlier,” Spencer whispered. “Sexy actually.”

Roderick bit his lip. Instinctually he wrapped his arms around Spencer’s waist and pulled him closer. “I think you might have been watching Ms. Jones. She looked amazing, I just looked like Roderick.”

Spencer ran his hand up Roderick’s chest, above the layers of clothing even though every fiber of his being wanted to rip open Roderick’s shirt. _I’ll be good tonight_. Spencer thought. _We’ve got time. I like him and he actually likes me too. We’ve got time._

Roderick moaned as Spencer continued to rub his chest, which almost broke Spencer’s resolve. Instead Spencer leaned in and kissed Roderick. It started off just as slow as their first kiss, but within seconds both of their lips were parted and their tongues were moving slickly through each other’s mouth.

 _This was definitely worth the wait._ Spencer thought.

***

They made out in Roderick’s truck for close to an hour. It was with great reluctance that Spencer eventually pulled himself away from Spencer and got out of the truck.

As Spender made his way up his driveway, Roderick rolled down the passenger window. “I’ll see you on Monday?”

Spencer looked over his shoulder and smiled. “Save me a seat a lunch.”

Roderick smiled widely and nodded. He waited until Spencer was inside before he drove away. Spencer stood in his foyer for a few moments. He leaned against the closed front door and sighed. His face was flushed and his lips were red and swollen. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to Madison.

_Thanks._

**Author's Note:**

> This is a reaction fic to 6x07. It can be read as a continuation of my other Spoderick fic, "I Ain't Got No Type", or as a standalone fic. If you read it as part of my Spoderick series consider this part 1.5 of the series. Enjoy!


End file.
